I haven't been a prime candidate for blog reader's choice this year,
and forgive my absence in participating in the e-world of your journals.
I am typing to you from one of my favorite haunts, a community called Ida
which is nestled within a Short Mountain hollow -- yes, I am back
in the world of radical faeriedom. I will be here through October.
I am not able to maintain a good blogging balance while I am out here --
computer access is just not a reality of living at the Sanctuary.
I would love to spend a luxurious day of chatting and blogging sometime,
but I also would like to take a break from all of that. I am enjoying the
heck out of living in this community -- this is just what I am needing.
I am studying the hex out of a card game by the name of Bridge.
I haven't ever taken the time to learn the dynamics of game play,
but I have found my niche in the weekly bridge club here.
I am surrounded on all sides (sometimes it seems) by the cutest energy.
yet, I can't seem to approach that energy with any gusto, it's Just Friendly Free.
I definitely was able to check some of what is going on within me --
I still am recovering from my heartbreak. it is no wonder to me now
that I see this. how can I expect to open up a heart that hasn't rested?
blessed be, the country life really readjusted my sleep schedule.
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNINGS!!! I love it. this week, I am going
to learn how to milk a goat. it's FUN learning how to integrate into COMMUNITY.
I will be housesitting at the Sanctuary, taking care of a kitty named Kimchee
and lots of plants. I hope that some folx I know will get a chance to come visit me.
while I am bowing out of blog for awhile, I will answer e-mails -- and would love them.
or even a snail mail might be nice. here's some info:
free.now(at)gmail.com
Free Now
247 Sanctuary Lane
Liberty, TN 37095
that's all for now :) Cheers.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
dreams
my dreams are returning, slowly yet surely. I remembered two within the
same week -- before that it had been a month, almost two, since I remembered.
these two dreams have carried a similar theme, centering around Thievery.
while the first theft occurred by a shopkeep stealing my things, the second
theft was my pilfering from a small, locally-owned business.
what was stolen from me? a computer.
what did I steal? 10c sweet buns.
and yet those sweet buns left me with a genuine sense of regret, one which now
compels me to examine my life for those elements where I have simply taken or
taken simply, that is... when my hands assume that I may take of the most negligible
energies because no one is looking, no one would care, no one...
I have been taking a look at the book of Daniel again -- wouldn't you know it, the
first two chapters center around a king's dreams. I forgot how much I love reading
parts of the Bible.
I have a day to myself today, and I am blessed to be awake for it. sometimes waking
up is hard to do... though my resolve has been awfully steely in the past two days.
it feels so good to be an active part of dreaming again,
even though I have forgotten my manners.
Free
same week -- before that it had been a month, almost two, since I remembered.
these two dreams have carried a similar theme, centering around Thievery.
while the first theft occurred by a shopkeep stealing my things, the second
theft was my pilfering from a small, locally-owned business.
what was stolen from me? a computer.
what did I steal? 10c sweet buns.
and yet those sweet buns left me with a genuine sense of regret, one which now
compels me to examine my life for those elements where I have simply taken or
taken simply, that is... when my hands assume that I may take of the most negligible
energies because no one is looking, no one would care, no one...
I have been taking a look at the book of Daniel again -- wouldn't you know it, the
first two chapters center around a king's dreams. I forgot how much I love reading
parts of the Bible.
I have a day to myself today, and I am blessed to be awake for it. sometimes waking
up is hard to do... though my resolve has been awfully steely in the past two days.
it feels so good to be an active part of dreaming again,
even though I have forgotten my manners.
Free
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
I am obsessed with numbers.
rocking back and forth in front of someone else's computer screen,
I sit in a sturdy burgundy office chair as two people make out in the
living space before they fall asleep. the spotlight of the screen blacks
out all other sights and I can only sense them through hearing.
now there is deep breathing. I take a sip of beer, yes, after tasting
the last smoke of the Green Goddess (whom I now release). agony,
that has been the state of the disunion for my blog-o-sphere. no,
I have yet touched the mounds of Livejournals, Xangan thoughts,
tribe sketches (not to mention the fast deteriorating infrastructure
surrounding Multiply and Blogspot) since I left for California.
the wedding was beautiful -- can I put it in any other uncertain terms?
to know that my sister's compliment was, "you made me cry, Bubba,"
made the weeks of fry cooking all worth it. standing before a crowd,
and without the hesitation that once failed me in the fourth grade, an F
because I could not get up and speak, so overwhelmed by fear... all
of that fear has now subsided. I stood before two families united and
found that all I could do was entertain them. was there a dry eye in the
house? I don't know because the only real moment (besides the pleasure
of ushering in my great-grandmother...) I paid a lick of attention to was
seeing her welled-up eyes as I thought, "Yes, Jenna, I am proud of you."
(for her choice in husband AS WELL AS her choice in wedding dress)
the first place beyond the Santa Ana airport that gave me pause was
the church in which she was to be wed. the statue of Mary carried
many necklaces and I only received blessings from the space. I must
have smiled so largely as she pointed out the installations of holy water
at the entrance, I must have raised my eyebrow in wonder as she touched
it, rose it to her forehead and made the sign of the cross. Catholicism
is truly beautiful to me.
beyond my disgust and distaste for the inflated consumer culture in
the state, it too had it's beauty. my botanical sense was appeased,
the hills were alive, and the second thing I did upon arrival was set
foot in the sands and damp of el pacifico.
I cannot say that it was an easy trip, and for that, I thank Los Angeles.
the angels (theirs be the truth) bring mercy to our lives, though the mercy
shown me was horrible to behold, if I may be so (word). I made choices
which are irrevocable, hard choices whose intent I now question. I spent
many hours deconstructing the walls I have made towards my family. now
I find myself constructing new ones.
what challenged me most were the words of so many of my family's
elders to me. often, I have found myself at the outskirts of their tribe
and cannot reasonably find a way to communicate with them. even so,
the level with which they reached out to me was one of compassion.
I became so focused on one of my relatives that it was difficult for me
to extend that compassion to others.
that was my mistake.
to be continued ?
I sit in a sturdy burgundy office chair as two people make out in the
living space before they fall asleep. the spotlight of the screen blacks
out all other sights and I can only sense them through hearing.
now there is deep breathing. I take a sip of beer, yes, after tasting
the last smoke of the Green Goddess (whom I now release). agony,
that has been the state of the disunion for my blog-o-sphere. no,
I have yet touched the mounds of Livejournals, Xangan thoughts,
tribe sketches (not to mention the fast deteriorating infrastructure
surrounding Multiply and Blogspot) since I left for California.
the wedding was beautiful -- can I put it in any other uncertain terms?
to know that my sister's compliment was, "you made me cry, Bubba,"
made the weeks of fry cooking all worth it. standing before a crowd,
and without the hesitation that once failed me in the fourth grade, an F
because I could not get up and speak, so overwhelmed by fear... all
of that fear has now subsided. I stood before two families united and
found that all I could do was entertain them. was there a dry eye in the
house? I don't know because the only real moment (besides the pleasure
of ushering in my great-grandmother...) I paid a lick of attention to was
seeing her welled-up eyes as I thought, "Yes, Jenna, I am proud of you."
(for her choice in husband AS WELL AS her choice in wedding dress)
the first place beyond the Santa Ana airport that gave me pause was
the church in which she was to be wed. the statue of Mary carried
many necklaces and I only received blessings from the space. I must
have smiled so largely as she pointed out the installations of holy water
at the entrance, I must have raised my eyebrow in wonder as she touched
it, rose it to her forehead and made the sign of the cross. Catholicism
is truly beautiful to me.
beyond my disgust and distaste for the inflated consumer culture in
the state, it too had it's beauty. my botanical sense was appeased,
the hills were alive, and the second thing I did upon arrival was set
foot in the sands and damp of el pacifico.
I cannot say that it was an easy trip, and for that, I thank Los Angeles.
the angels (theirs be the truth) bring mercy to our lives, though the mercy
shown me was horrible to behold, if I may be so (word). I made choices
which are irrevocable, hard choices whose intent I now question. I spent
many hours deconstructing the walls I have made towards my family. now
I find myself constructing new ones.
what challenged me most were the words of so many of my family's
elders to me. often, I have found myself at the outskirts of their tribe
and cannot reasonably find a way to communicate with them. even so,
the level with which they reached out to me was one of compassion.
I became so focused on one of my relatives that it was difficult for me
to extend that compassion to others.
that was my mistake.
to be continued ?
Monday, May 21, 2007
untitled.
the levees broke my heart's walls
revealing gnarled re-bar
veins pulsing up to the sky --
they are now rusty, sharp nails
which drag the clouds above, tearing
rifts of black soot and brown grime.
a lone life on its own bright island,
one finds lime green sprouting on a tree;
thereupon lies the moss of decaying ages.
each branches tumble into my rising Desire
finding release from splintered seasons of the past.
the winter is come for my heart once again,
yet the flood waters remain a frozen lake
revealing gnarled re-bar
veins pulsing up to the sky --
they are now rusty, sharp nails
which drag the clouds above, tearing
rifts of black soot and brown grime.
a lone life on its own bright island,
one finds lime green sprouting on a tree;
thereupon lies the moss of decaying ages.
each branches tumble into my rising Desire
finding release from splintered seasons of the past.
the winter is come for my heart once again,
yet the flood waters remain a frozen lake
Sunday, May 20, 2007
3 Questions
beliefnet.com's horoscopes once held me in a grip of affirmation,
but upon returning from New Orleans, I felt like they were trying
too hard to whitewash my astral self with a little Paternal advice.
so I switched to Rob Breszny. this week I was presented with a
challenge that left my Aries stumped:
So your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to
craft three essential questions that will guide your journey between now
and the end of 2007. These queries should excite your natural curiosity
about the life issues that matter most to you. They should be carefully
and precisely formulated. And they should motivate you to keep your
mind wide open and hungry as you hunt for more insight into your most
bafflingly interesting mysteries.
how to even approach this ??? I was baffled as I already said, be-
cause a) I hadn't been questioning my intentions since New Orleans,
b) I had spent most of my time questioning the intentions of others,
c) I couldn't cheat on these with some trifle-ass questions.
here's what I got, though:
1. Where is my home?
2. Why am I not writing a diary?
3. Whom do I serve?
you know, I only have the beginnings of an answer for number two, a
sketchy idea of whom I *used to* serve, and as for number one? ...
Free
but upon returning from New Orleans, I felt like they were trying
too hard to whitewash my astral self with a little Paternal advice.
so I switched to Rob Breszny. this week I was presented with a
challenge that left my Aries stumped:
So your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to
craft three essential questions that will guide your journey between now
and the end of 2007. These queries should excite your natural curiosity
about the life issues that matter most to you. They should be carefully
and precisely formulated. And they should motivate you to keep your
mind wide open and hungry as you hunt for more insight into your most
bafflingly interesting mysteries.
how to even approach this ??? I was baffled as I already said, be-
cause a) I hadn't been questioning my intentions since New Orleans,
b) I had spent most of my time questioning the intentions of others,
c) I couldn't cheat on these with some trifle-ass questions.
here's what I got, though:
1. Where is my home?
2. Why am I not writing a diary?
3. Whom do I serve?
you know, I only have the beginnings of an answer for number two, a
sketchy idea of whom I *used to* serve, and as for number one? ...
Free
Saturday, May 19, 2007
my Heart, no longer cold.
people come and go from blog to blog, a mention here,
a shout out (this one goes out to my SIStAz sort of deal)
...but when I get a cameo role in someone's blog, when
someone takes the time to craft words around me? that's
pretty damned special... the warmest bits of my center
around my 4th chakra -- I am alive and well and living
in this moment.
I wish I could quote you, Ethan,
but I couldn't bear to paraphrase any of you.
there is a fire in my chest around which
I must share stories and utter them unto You.
Melting after the Ice Age,
Free
a shout out (this one goes out to my SIStAz sort of deal)
...but when I get a cameo role in someone's blog, when
someone takes the time to craft words around me? that's
pretty damned special... the warmest bits of my center
around my 4th chakra -- I am alive and well and living
in this moment.
I wish I could quote you, Ethan,
but I couldn't bear to paraphrase any of you.
there is a fire in my chest around which
I must share stories and utter them unto You.
Melting after the Ice Age,
Free
Thursday, May 17, 2007
from New Orleans, with Love.
according to this computer, it's February 5th. my last post was on the 9th of May,
so I think I am doing pretty well in terms of keeping up with my blog. heck, I'm so
good, I am writing in the past as well as the present. are you keeping up, huh???
here's what I have today, a poem. one of the first I am sharing about my exp. in NO.
-----
the boys are bouncing off the bar and in-
to the warm receptive laps of their clientele.
they are fishing for pocket change to play
pool and shark the richer customers
with smiles and conversation.
This is the corner pocket, where
balls of all colors come to reside.
somewhere
beneath the smoky din
(they paid for that cliché,
god-damn-it) there is a Speaker,
once willing, now silent & pondering.
the world has crumbled before Him
yet the glassy eyes of boys on barstools
keep Him company. He loves them
and they feel it. together they share their hearts--
or the beating remains of former love.
the Flood washed so much away... and left so much Shit.
hearts beat poisons & broken seashells through the estuaries of their souls.
His fingers palm a greasy dollar, then maneuver to a crisp fiver.
He wants to feel alive tonight, if only in the comfort of a dream
that This boy will not go hungry on His watch.
---
Free
so I think I am doing pretty well in terms of keeping up with my blog. heck, I'm so
good, I am writing in the past as well as the present. are you keeping up, huh???
here's what I have today, a poem. one of the first I am sharing about my exp. in NO.
-----
the boys are bouncing off the bar and in-
to the warm receptive laps of their clientele.
they are fishing for pocket change to play
pool and shark the richer customers
with smiles and conversation.
This is the corner pocket, where
balls of all colors come to reside.
somewhere
beneath the smoky din
(they paid for that cliché,
god-damn-it) there is a Speaker,
once willing, now silent & pondering.
the world has crumbled before Him
yet the glassy eyes of boys on barstools
keep Him company. He loves them
and they feel it. together they share their hearts--
or the beating remains of former love.
the Flood washed so much away... and left so much Shit.
hearts beat poisons & broken seashells through the estuaries of their souls.
His fingers palm a greasy dollar, then maneuver to a crisp fiver.
He wants to feel alive tonight, if only in the comfort of a dream
that This boy will not go hungry on His watch.
---
Free
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
just for Kix
thank you, Ceri -- your post gave me a good reason to blog
and I don't have to bleed open my heart in this one too much!
Picture Survey
and I don't have to bleed open my heart in this one too much!
Picture Survey
Here are the rules: Put the answer to the question in Google Images,
and use the FIRST image that comes up. (Free = Cheated on this)
The city and state of the city you were born in, no quotation marks:
Tulsa, Oklahoma (yeah that's aboot right)
The city and state you grew up in, or that you consider home:
Broken Arrow, Oklahoma (in the bruthafuckin' hizzouse!!!1one)
The city and state you currently reside in, no quotes:
Norman, Oklahoma (I couldn't resist picking this one of two cute boys!!!
I think I need to go take a break in the back room now...SERIOUSLY)
First and last name, no quotes:
Free Now (okay, back from the back room and this image is AMAZING)
Your grandmother's name:
Roberta (pretty close in appearance, actually)
My Grandpa's Pizza made by my Mother (fuck yeah, Yoko rox!)
Your preferred drink:
Kombucha (YUM!)
Your favorite smell:
Men (yeah there was a lot of porn for this one... I opted for the artistic route)
A favorite song:
Take My Breath Away (I love comics... and this one was made on my birthday 2yrs ago...)
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
a[n un]Clear Communication
a summed up life up in two sentences:
I work at an emotionally challenging local business
so that I may sustain my community life in Norman.
I am content to spend my days sifting through the
F8s' tapestries while guiding my string in the weave.
while both of these sentences are clear to me, it has
come to my attention that my blog style may alien8
others. sometimes I want to be direct when I write
online... largely, I allow the paranoia of Security Cul-
ture to dictate what is appropriate for me to say.
I haven't taken the time to write out my emotions in
a private, handwritten journal in some time... so much
of my writing is open to those who ask and I encou-
rage others around me to sample selections of it.
a blog on blog sort of blog, eh? that's what this one is.
I think I might start over.
Free
<-------first draft blog attempt--------->
I work at Van's Pig Stand.
I live at Casa de la Corazon.
I explore ideas.
these are a few of my favorite things at the moment.
right now as I am typing this, our ceiling is falling apart
yet beneath the rain damaged roof we are growing in-
door plants. all the windows open up the outside world;
a moth eyes reflect the orange glow of the office light.
it's flying everywhere.
I am well. and
I am hesitant to complain about my life online.
I work at an emotionally challenging local business
so that I may sustain my community life in Norman.
I am content to spend my days sifting through the
F8s' tapestries while guiding my string in the weave.
while both of these sentences are clear to me, it has
come to my attention that my blog style may alien8
others. sometimes I want to be direct when I write
online... largely, I allow the paranoia of Security Cul-
ture to dictate what is appropriate for me to say.
I haven't taken the time to write out my emotions in
a private, handwritten journal in some time... so much
of my writing is open to those who ask and I encou-
rage others around me to sample selections of it.
a blog on blog sort of blog, eh? that's what this one is.
I think I might start over.
Free
<-------first draft blog attempt--------->
I work at Van's Pig Stand.
I live at Casa de la Corazon.
I explore ideas.
these are a few of my favorite things at the moment.
right now as I am typing this, our ceiling is falling apart
yet beneath the rain damaged roof we are growing in-
door plants. all the windows open up the outside world;
a moth eyes reflect the orange glow of the office light.
it's flying everywhere.
I am well. and
I am hesitant to complain about my life online.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
a Love Story for Belta(i)n(e)
just like, ya, whatever, it's bloggin' time.
been readin' a fair bit o neil gaiman's blog,
you know I eat those celebblogs a lot...
I also recommend Moby's blog... a lil too
politcally progressive for my tastes....
http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/
http://www.moby.com/journal
so for Beltain Eve, a band of deeliteful
queers came up from the city of NOLA!
Mira & Devon, Julia et Maxine all joined
in the revue -- I got a sweet load of
dumpstered goodies, a book on queer
theatre, and a set of fabulous shots that
I will post as soon as I can get my
flea-blessed mittens on them.
happy Beltaine everyone! this year,
my intention is to honor all relationships
with open and healthy communication --
I am letting go of honesty and being
forthright with all of my emotions. a
challenge, but a worthwhile investment
for my future! nonviolent communication,
H E R E I C O M E ! ! ! ! ! 1 o n e
I am envious of the Fae folx that are
blessing and consecrating spaces in SMS, TN,
tho I can feel their fingers wurking thur
majix inside of my skull, oh goddess,
bless you, those who have heard my
r e q u e s t .
may all your smiles curl as you need them.
Free
been readin' a fair bit o neil gaiman's blog,
you know I eat those celebblogs a lot...
I also recommend Moby's blog... a lil too
politcally progressive for my tastes....
http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/
http://www.moby.com/journal
so for Beltain Eve, a band of deeliteful
queers came up from the city of NOLA!
Mira & Devon, Julia et Maxine all joined
in the revue -- I got a sweet load of
dumpstered goodies, a book on queer
theatre, and a set of fabulous shots that
I will post as soon as I can get my
flea-blessed mittens on them.
happy Beltaine everyone! this year,
my intention is to honor all relationships
with open and healthy communication --
I am letting go of honesty and being
forthright with all of my emotions. a
challenge, but a worthwhile investment
for my future! nonviolent communication,
H E R E I C O M E ! ! ! ! ! 1 o n e
I am envious of the Fae folx that are
blessing and consecrating spaces in SMS, TN,
tho I can feel their fingers wurking thur
majix inside of my skull, oh goddess,
bless you, those who have heard my
r e q u e s t .
may all your smiles curl as you need them.
Free
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